42 things I learned by 42

Here it goes. Trying to summarize what I've learned so far in life about its most central aspects. The list is highly subjective and -as life itself- work in progress. It is mostly meant for myself, as an introspective way of structuring thoughts and serving as a checklist to return to on occasion. Still, I hope it can provide also value for others (not least my children) in tackling their unique situations thoughtfully. Hopefully it also inspires others to write their own corresponding lists. Would love to read e.g. yours.

Br,
Martin

42 things I learned by 42...

About life in general

Contrary to contemporary jargon, the meaning of life is not to be happy. The meaning of life is to love and to work hard towards goals aligned with your core values in a team you enjoy spending time with. Along the way, in between the hard work and struggle, you will feel momentary periods of happiness and fulfillment.
You can identify your true core values, by testing if you would feel and choose the same if nobody would be watching/commenting/judging.
Life is water, not stone.
Pareto’s 80/20 rule applies to almost all aspects of life. Doing the right 20% really well often brings 80% of the results. And squeezing out the remaining 20% of results require 80% of the work.
Never envy anyone who’s worries you know nothing about.
Poor is the man, whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.
Regrets don’t work. Learn. Do better next time.
Just because you are offended, doesn’t mean you are right.
Life is all about balance. Like all old religions also point out, life is a constant balancing the fine line between hell and heaven, Yin and Yang, chaos and order, stress and boredom etc. This is how it should be. The sweet, wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitter.
Grow up, not old. There is nothing sadder than a healthy adult who has not grown up. Growing up means being able to take care of yourself; your economy, health and loved ones. Still almost equally sad are adults who think growing up also means growing old and boring. The most interesting people I know go to techno-raves at 50, found startups at 70 or rent jet skis at 80. Don’t be a afraid to be or look silly.
Success happens when opportunity meets preparation. Luck also usually favours the prepared and hard working.
There are a few general life hacks, which will always help you no matter what you end up doing in life. If you want something, ask for it. Speak up. Practice expressing yourself clearly. Sit and stand straight. Smile. Suggest solutions. Look people in the eyes. Have a firm hand shake. Be on time. Keep your promises.

About family and relationships

Get together with someone you are attracted to. Stay together with someone who shares your basic values (about life, family, health, work, money).
There is never really a good time to have children. Still you probably know when you are ready. Trying to fix relationship problems by having children is a horrible idea.
Children learn things incredibly slowly when parents try to push them too early. And incredibly fast when they are ready in terms of age and motivation to learn.
Mothers and new born children continue to have a strong bond after they are separated at birth. During the first months the father is mainly there to support the mother. Later the father becomes equally important.
You shouldn’t be friends with your children. Always be a parent first. It’s nice if they like you, but if your priority is their liking, friendship and approval, things go wrong quickly.
Think of the first two years per child as an investment of your time and will power. You will most likely be tired and frustrated, not as sharp at work and not living as healthily. It will get easier after that. If possible, postpone or downgrade ambitions outside the home during this period.
Spend time with your kids and keep contact with your parents. You’ll miss them when they are gone.

About health and well-being

Without your health, everything else is meaningless.
You cannot have a healthy mind without a healthy body. You need both. And just like muscles need both training and rest, so does your brain. Using will power is the equivalent to hard training for muscles. You can use it to get things done, but it cannot be constant. Allow recovery (through sleep, meditation, routine work, sports etc).
We all have our cryptonites. Mine are sugar, lack of sleep and assholes.
Take care of your teeth, joints and back when you are young. You will need them when you are old.
Elite or serious sports is seldom healthy. Human beings are not supposed to repeat the same artificial kick/jump/lift/pull tens of thousands of times. Balance and variation is better, although it makes less sexy news headlines and social media updates.
To live a fulfilling, balanced life you need to do four things. Sleep, eat, move and enjoy.
Sleep. Sleeping right is the base of all well-being. Until you’ve had kids or other periods of sleeping poorly, you won’t understand this. Sleep hygiene is still fairly simple and helps a lot. Move enough during the day. No coffee after lunch. Sleep in a fully dark, well-ventilated room. No stress or screens an hour before bedtime. If you need, take half a gram of melatonin to fall asleep. If you still have problems, start eliminating stress factors from your life.
Eat. In theory getting all nutrients you need from food is a nice thought. In practice it is not possible. You need to aim for eating the way humans have naturally eaten for millions of years, before “civilization” and mass agriculture. Get most of your calories from vegetables. Eat enough of white meat and vegetable proteins. Complement with whole grains, nuts and occasional fruit. Avoid as much as possible industrial red meat, processed foods and especially processed carbohydrates. Drink a lot of water. Supplement with a strong vitamin c, omega fatty acids, multivitamin. Plus vitamin d for winter and zinc for colds.
Move. Take 10.000 steps every day. Raise your pulse one way or the other 150 min per week. Make sure some of that pulse raising is muscle building/maintaining. There is a lot of science behind these numbers. In busy life situations remember that all movement is better than being passive, even if you don’t get to the target numbers. Try to find a way of moving you enjoy. If you can't, build a habit instead. HIIT training is a great way to get a lot done in a short amount of time.
Enjoy. Life is short. Follow the eat-move-sleep 80% of the time. Use the other 20% to stay curious, explore, try new things and have fun.

About business, money and work

Money can’t make you happy, but happy can make you money. Go work with something you like and which can make you money. If you choose something just for the money, you'll get bored and quit before you actually get to the money making. And if you choose something just based on what you like, it's likely to be a better hobby than a profession.
Get rid of things you own, if they start owning you. Buying services and experiences is often much more fulfilling than buying things.
Being financially rich is not about power, wealth or things. Being rich is about freedom. Freedom is deciding yourself what you do or don’t with your time. Time is our only limited, and most valuable resource. Sacrificing your limited time to buy things you don’t need is the ultimate form of self-delusion.
There is only one guaranteed way to become rich. Spend less than you earn. Save 10-50% of the surplus every month. Invest the surplus in cash flow paying, diversified assets. Diversify across bonds, shares, real estate, time and geography.
Never take a loan to buy something which depreciates or doesn’t produce certain cash flow. Goodies you buy with your surplus, not loan.
No matter what they claim, nobody can beat the index consistently over time. Diversification is the only free lunch. Also recognize you are not rational; allocate e.g. 5% of your investment to your monkey portfolio, where you can invest in stupid, active stuff. The purpose of this sub-portfolio is only to protect the remaining 95% from your monkey-self.
There are three levels of being wealthy. Level 1: When you have saved up a sum equal to 6 months of total your total expenses and keep the money cash on your bank account. Forever. Level 2: When the cash flow from your diversified investments pay for your basic living expenses (food, living, transport, communication). Level 3: When the cash flow from your diversified investments pay for your ideal (but still reasonable, you can always spend more than you earn if you are not careful, not matter how much money you have) lifestyle and when every month part of the passive cash flow gets reinvested into more diversified, cash flow generating assets.
Build and structure your company as if you would plan to sell it. Even if you never, ever plan to sell it.
Business, like life, is water, not stone. With skill and time you can direct the general flow of water, but you have to accept it is constantly changing and you cannot control the movement or position of every drop or stream.
Slow is often smooth. And smooth is often fast. We often overestimate what we can do in 5 months and underestimate what we can do in 5 years.
Whether you invest, choose a place to work or build a new company. Top 3 things are team, execution and idea. In order of importance.
Plan every day, every week, every month and every year so that they contain both more intense and more relaxed periods.
Structure your company or group of companies like a fortress with multiple fortifications layers. The outer layers containing the riskiest business. When one line of defense fails, the next will catch it. You won’t lose your whole business, only one layer.